From Surviving to Thriving
A year ago today I did the one thing that every cancer patient dreams of - I rang the BELL - I rang it loudly. I rang it while crying a very ugly cry.
My last treatment.
And then I went home.
I had dreamt of that moment from the minute I was diagnosed all the way through surgery and chemo and during every radiation treatment.
I had watched other survivors ring their bell, and i cried and I clapped for them.
And finally it was my turn.
I had expected great things…
This was my big moment, but in the end it ended up being just that a moment.
A brief moment in time.
Once home, everything was the same.
Same house, same couch, same fatigue, same worry, same, same, same.
You see like most people, i though that once treatment was over I would simply return to my normal and life would go on.
I was only half right. Life did go on, but it really only went on for everyone else, all around me life was going on.
i had survived the toughest parts, but I was still stuck in that mode - survival mode.
For me, survivor mode meant doing the bare minimum, putting one foot in front of the other, only because I had to…
I had zero motivation to do anything more than just survive. It took every ounce of energy to get through the day. I had nothing left for growth.
I was really foolish to think that once it was over, it would really be over.
NOPE - thats not how it happens
It has taken me 12 more month to finally start feeling whole again.It certainly wasn’t a direct line of improvement over those months. I struggled and succeeded and struggled and succeeded over and over. I also started and restarted and restarted too many times to count.
It took months of Dr appointments and med changes to finally find a combination that kept my side effects in check. It certainly wasn’t the magical transition I was expecting.
